Monday, June 15, 2009

Control

Once, in a town very very far from here, lived a young man.  This particular young man was an idiot.  It took Jesus a very long time to convince him of this truth and during that time he did many stupid things.  Not very much seems to have changed except that now he realizes he's an idiot.  He still tries to run his own world, order his own steps, and control his own destiny.  What a silly little man he is.  
Im talking about me incase you're not smelling what I'm stepping in.  
I was listening to Matt Chandler again this morning and one phrase stuck out of his message and jabbed me right in the ribs.  "I didn't take all the power from you, you never had any to begin with.  That's an illusion"  Kinda makes me a little angry that the whole time I was trying to make everything work out, balancing this over here and throwing that up in the air over there and trying to get some magical perspective that would allow me to see all that needed to happen so that in every situation where my life was falling apart I could magically bring it all together and work it out, I couldn't have been successful anyway.  
(all you grammar nerds out there start sending me email about the run on sentence)
It actually makes me a lot angry and it is directed squarely at the being most responsible for the mess...ME.  What takes me so long to just be secure in God instead of my abilities (faulty as they are) and my resources (limited as they are) and my understanding (finite as it is)?  It is beyond me how every night I go to bed giving it all to the Lord and wake up the next morning taking it all back.  GEEEESH...(word from the 80's)  
I really am at a point of personal frustration at how much control I imagine that I have and how little direction I yield to.  Thanks for reading my rant!  What a way to kick of a blog.

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